In the week X had been asking why I hadnt been in touch like I normally was? I had been updating my status with things like 'Thanks for making me smile' and 'I felt very happy and all smiley'....X wanted to know who and what was making me happy and smiley?? I told him over and over again, it wasnt anybody I was happy as my sister Dawn was in Leeds with me and we had been having some fun together. X replied it was a lie.....that it must be a man making me smile, he was convinced and I got angry with him about him not trusting what I said. Then the next evening we all got drunk in the house, I know I probably shouldnt have but I needed to act as normal as possible and I wanted to forget about the troubles that I faced ahead for a night so we had plenty of vodka and played on singstar all night until the early hours before going to bed.
I couldnt sleep and went on facebook updated my status to 'shouldve known better, busted!!!!'.....It didnt take long for X to text to ask about the status... what did it mean? Explain?...... he texted me. I knew exactly what it ment, it was ment for him as I should have known better and I knew has lied. I just knew it. He felt guilty about something and was quizing me about what I ment by this status. It was more obvious to me now that all I suspected was true, it was so clear that he knew that I knew and that I have known something for weeks now. It was just a matter of time before the truth would come out in the end. X knew that more than anyone. That night he told me he missed me, my texts and hadnt seen me for a few weeks and he wanted to see me. He was spending the weekend at Y's flat as he was aways in Paris all weekend and he was covering his work for him. He was having his daughter stay the thursday night which was when I was travelling back from Leeds, he said did I want to come round that night I got back and watch a film together?.. I was surprised as he didnt usually feel it was a good idea to visit when his daughter was there so I made sure that he actually did want me round then and he agreed so I looked forward to spending some time with him.
I didnt think about seeing how it was going between us and telling him about the pregnancy tests, then I thought I cant do that now he has his daughter upstairs and he wasnt going to have anyone there for him like his mate Y all weekend so I was stuck with what to do. I decided I will tell him saturday night when I see him as arranged or sunday morning. I will tell him, I was just waiting for the right time.
It had been over 2 and a half weeks since I saw him last so when I arrived at Y's it was good to see him, I knew he was happy to see me too and we had some good TLC moments and watched a film together. Just before the film began, he got a text and said it was from some girl he met in Brannigans called Lisa. I pulled away from him as he spoke and asked about her. He said she was horrid and now just wants attention from him. I asked X so do you want to sleep with her? He answered maybe! I did see my arse as now he was meeting girls, new girls and keeping them interested by keeping in contact.... he said she was an awful, fat, desperate mess and wasnt interested in her. Then he kept saying no one would get all what you get ya know, all the spending time together, staying over and everything we have. Even if I did spend a night with another it would just be a quick one, it wouldnt mean anything, then I would kick them out so it would just be to use them for one thing and one thing only. Like that is going to make what he has just tried to say all better.....I mean really. Was I worth anything at all to him?
We watched the film, had a good night together and I went home about midnight. I couldnt stop thinking about this Lisa.... I checked on his profile to see what she was like and I couldnt believe what I was looking at..... I mean OMG what was he thinking to even think about spending the night with that. She was horrible, it wasnt the fact that she was a big girl because I am no JLO but she looked like she needed a good bath, prue skanky looking whoar. She wasnt even remotely pretty at all...... I was insulted by that, I really didnt think he would lower himself to attempt to go anywhere near her.
How could I have told him about being pregnant hearing about him texting some other women he met in Brannigans a weeks ago. I felt stupid and worthless, X didnt care about me at all. He was out for what he could get from me as he hadnt seen me for a while, there was no other reason but that. I had been a mug again.......God I am dumb at times.
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