FINALLY I get the truth...late 5th Feb 2010

I was at Janes spending time there, bitching about X and what he had told me the night before. I showed Jane picks of this Lisa and she reacted the same as I did about him even being interested in her. She wasnt even pretty at all, if she was I could maybe put aside her other faults but it was emarressing.

X texted me, said did I want to meet him at Y's he had left the key in the shed and told me to let myself in and he wouldnt be long. He said he wanted to talk to me about a few things so I went. Jane dropped me off at Y's and X arrived soon after. He was drunk and I came straight out with it, I asked if he had slept with that Lisa he met? I said you have havnt you..... he didnt answer at all and then admitted that he had. I remember him just looking at me waiting for a reaction.... I didnt have one at that moment. I couldnt believe what I was hearing, I dont know if at first if I was upset because he had slept with someone else or of I was more upset that he actually slept with that skank bitch who looked like a total tramp. I think I was more mad at that first off. I shouted at him saying 'X What were you thinking?' Where you that desperate? I mean have you seen the state of her?' I actually felt physically sick with the thought of him and her, he couldnt take my shouting at him and making sure he felt pure embarressment being reminded about getting close to that awful whoar....I mean fecking hell X. You really were scrapping the barrell going with that.

I was insulted and said to him 'I feel so worhtless, I mean do you think I am worth nothing'.....he kept saying of course you are 'your worth so much more than that' he went on saying he wouldnt be going there again as she was the biggest mistake he had ever made, a complete fat mess, who was not worth the embarressment at all and he regreted every second of it. He kept saying to me 'You've seen her she is such a tramp, she isnt even good looking to hide how huge she is...'...I replied 'I know, dont you think that I have not thought of that.....you should feel so embarressed JX, I mean if you were going to tell me the truth about sleeping with another dont you think it should have been with someone who had a slight bit of class and looked clean, she is so obviously a skank tramp with no elegence about her wotsoever.....'

I was really angry with him and I couldnt stay, I was upset he had done it now, slept with another and there was no going back with regards to us. No way. not possibly knowing what he went with aswell. I couldnt handle that I was going to have to keep my pregnancy to meself again for another night, was I ever going to tell him. I just wanted to hurt him the way he hurt me and I wanted him to feel the pain like I did. I couldnt believe all this time he had lied to me and made out I was being hard to him, pressuring him when all along he was lying just like he said his wife did to him for months. He said he was so hurt by what she had done to him and lied about things and then he has just done the exact same thing to me.......What was I gonna do....I hated him for hurting and upseting me. I left crying and began to start feeling so mad and I began to loose control of my emotions and I wanted him to know how I was suffering. There was no doubt that he would escape me giving him a piece of my mind about what he had done and how ashamed he should feel about sleeping with another especially that thing...Makes me sick how he has treated me..... How fecking dare he? No one plays games with me and gets off lightly? He will find that out one day I remember thinking.....He will regret all he has done to me, sooner or later he will feel all the pain I was already feeling and there was more bad news to come for him. I had to work out when I should tell him, if at all.....I just wanted to walk away and never have anything to do with him.